Arrrg! what else?

Theres a lot to update, its been an interesting couple of weeks. I found one of my weaknesses and i have nothing better to do so i will write about it. Does anyone get that heavy feeling in the pit of their stomach? As it gets heavier it brings you closer and closer to the ground until finally your crawling on the cause you can't really get any lower? Its an awful feeling. Its not so extreme but thats the feeling i have somewhere. I didn't really know what it was until i looked at the playground as i was walking home from school. I had a quick flashback to when i used to crawl up the side of these yellow stairs. Weirdly enough that playground seems to be the point my childhood revolves around. My grandparents used to always take me there, mostly because it was so close to home.



Anyway, as i was walking by today i noticed that the park had been remodeled which kind of got me thinking about other things.
I've always been uncomfortable with the future because of it. Meeting new people, people i love meeting new people, being dropped in the middle of new situations...I'm not as good as consoling as i used to be either. I feel like i'm loosing too many friends and making too many at the same time. I almost feel like i'm unbalanced. Its a terrible feeling. I also found out that i have terrible issues with trust. I didn't think that it was too much of an issue since i havn't really ever put complete trust in anyone just for fear that i will get hurt. After a long talk i decided that it is better to have complete trust in someone and to NOT worry and have fun as upposed to not trusting and worrying all the time.
the problem is i don't know HOW to do it. Its so weird. I swear to god i have some genetic problem from my grandma that was passed down to me so that i constantly worry all the time. It doesn't even matter what it is about, it just kind of happens i guess. Oh well.