To a sick ol' friend.

I wish i didn't have to see you like that. Its one thing to have a friend get wheeled into the ER, but when you feel like you have no one else to lean on its one of the hardest and most terrifying experiences i've had. As i frantically ran around packing your stuff thousands of images rushed through my head. The day i first met you, just after you got out of the hospital. The times i dragged you out to the field at school, all the times you let me break down and cry on your shoulder and the reassurance that everything was going to work out. I wished that i could say the same to you. I know i couldn't promise it though so i continued to say "i know" over and over again.



I remembered the times we went to the peir to feed the ducks throwing bread over the side of the peir and watching them fight. We always had to go back and get more bread. The time where you only had to use one leg to pin me to the ground and i had a bump on my head for weeks. Overall, how you had made me a stronger person. Now you were the weak one. The one saying you might as well just die. It made me angry but i guess when you are in that much pain you ha ve a reason to say what you say even though some times you dont mean it. I didn't cry a tear, i felt bad. I thought i should be sympathetic and i was, i think i looked worried but there were no tears. For the first time in my life i think i was calm and somehow i held myself together against my odds. I'm worried. I dont have someone i can talk to and it feels like you are a thousand miles away and i dont have a way of getting there. Thought i would let you know, you're grandparents are awesome, and dispite waiting in that small white room trying not to drift into sleep i was happy that you were getting better care than i could give you. Theres only so much a wet cloth on your forehead and tylonol can do. I know right now you are probably sleeping in a smelly white room with tubes in your arms and i know you hate it. But thry told me you would me home soon and who knows? Maybe i'll bring you some of that chocolate you really like...and maybe do your dishes. Remember how you said you needed to find a reason to live? I think that you help others, even when you are in pain you don't show it. Thats strength and its admirable.
Anyway. I hope you get better soon so you can kick my ass in brawl or punch me in the arm. Maybe even tell a sarcastic joke or two. One of the Hellen Keller ones.
I know that you never go on this site anymore, but just in case i thought i might give you some words. Get better fast, because its no fun being stuck in beds with IV's taped to your arms.