Arrrg! what else?

Theres a lot to update, its been an interesting couple of weeks. I found one of my weaknesses and i have nothing better to do so i will write about it. Does anyone get that heavy feeling in the pit of their stomach? As it gets heavier it brings you closer and closer to the ground until finally your crawling on the cause you can't really get any lower? Its an awful feeling. Its not so extreme but thats the feeling i have somewhere. I didn't really know what it was until i looked at the playground as i was walking home from school. I had a quick flashback to when i used to crawl up the side of these yellow stairs. Weirdly enough that playground seems to be the point my childhood revolves around. My grandparents used to always take me there, mostly because it was so close to home.



Anyway, as i was walking by today i noticed that the park had been remodeled which kind of got me thinking about other things.
I've always been uncomfortable with the future because of it. Meeting new people, people i love meeting new people, being dropped in the middle of new situations...I'm not as good as consoling as i used to be either. I feel like i'm loosing too many friends and making too many at the same time. I almost feel like i'm unbalanced. Its a terrible feeling. I also found out that i have terrible issues with trust. I didn't think that it was too much of an issue since i havn't really ever put complete trust in anyone just for fear that i will get hurt. After a long talk i decided that it is better to have complete trust in someone and to NOT worry and have fun as upposed to not trusting and worrying all the time.
the problem is i don't know HOW to do it. Its so weird. I swear to god i have some genetic problem from my grandma that was passed down to me so that i constantly worry all the time. It doesn't even matter what it is about, it just kind of happens i guess. Oh well.

"I'm painted crimson and blue, she was a ruthless artist."

I feel strange being in a new society. I'm used to the older age of victoria, not the younger one where i spend most of my hours now. I've never felt so commited to these last few days but i have a feeling that soner or later that action is going to desintegrate.
I feel very....new, like i'm starting a new chaper without nessisarily flipping over onto a new page. There are some aspects that are the same and that will never change. Then there are the new applications that are new or growing more into my area of interest.
I feel very young, not in the physical aspect but in the mental. I can't decide if i am uneducated compared to those around me or if i am up to par. Sometimes i think i find my answer but there are always those with far more superiority than me. Oviously.
I guess thats always been the deal with education though. You are always categorized into one of two possible categories: smart or well, stupid. There isn't really an inbetween. More or less because those who do decide what you stand under are either or themselves.
Things are falling into place again, and for that i am truly grateful for. My days have schedules. At the beginning of the summer i dispized having my days planned out for me, i hated predictability, and now i can't continue my day without a consistent schedule without getting lost.
My thoughts flow through channels without getting stuck or blocked, i take my steps with more confidence and i feel that i am finally going somewhere, something i havn't really experienced before. That what i am experiencing is my own life without guidence from the people i have always relied on. This is what i have been waiting for, i'm growing up.

"You just get mad, like the adults you pitied. You must be growing up."

Super Agents

Today was one of those days where you figure you've woken up on the wrong side of the bed and dread the rest of the day. I was supposed to try for my license today because my mother said she had the day off. Seeming as she said day i took that answer as the FULL day. Apparantly not. She worked at three, so i didn't get to try for my L. A bit dissapointed i checked my message inbox and realized someone from Camosun called me back saying that we had to mail in our Criminal Record Checks, this has been an ongoing problem since the letter we were relayed tells us to both, send in the CRC to Camosun the first day and they would send it in, then at the bottom of the letter it says you have to have a copy of a completed CRC the day you start. Huh, confusing. So i had to run to the bank in the sun and mail that off quickly as i could because it takes 2 weeks to process. I came home to study a bit more and then found Addie bored online so i decided to ask her to hang out. We went to the beach and i painted her tonails sparkly...then missed and got some nail polish on her toe and thought oh what the hell, I'll paint all her toes! We walked down to Serious Coffee and had ourselves some...i dunno, dinner? And proceeded our adventures around Sidney We ran into one of my older close friends and we talked for a little bit then started to head home. Adventures started to pick up on the way back when we decided to fold Yoga panflits onto airplanes and throw them down fifth street, that was runied after a car ran ofer it...then we found green spkiey objects on trees. We questioned the edibility of these objects, since we figured they were hard we pitched them down Fifth street also and stepping on them to get them open. They smelled like peaches...but we decided not to eat them becuase that would be gross. Instead we found blackberries and tried to pick them, of course with clumsiness combined we were only minorly successful. Walking farther along the road we found a walking stick, cool. I kept it. Then we found a for free box, we wrapped all the stuff in the free box around the stick, including pipe cleaners, leighs, bracelets,wallets etc. It started to look like a horse and came in very handy for whacking blackberry bushes. We came across plum trees by Louise's and i molested her cat. I heard a "hi shannon" from behind a bush and i ran giggling like a little kid down the road half out of fear and half out of ammusement back down the road. We ended up at Karens and Addie and I decided that we would try and be Super Agents (yes that is one of our past times)to try and see if there was a cop in the cop car where Karen's neighbor lives. So we snuck out the door humming the "Super Agents theme" I hit a tree, she tripped, then i stepped on a plant and it crunched. Then i stepped on Addies foot and she sprayed me in the eye with the hose. At this point i decided that it had turned into a lovely day. I eneded up coming home a while ago, smile on my face and very happy. Anyway, i just thought i would share my adventures. I'm hungry now, peace.

Birthday Bear, Cheese, and Machettes.

This post is dedicated to Birthday Bear, the cerial killer.
Two nights ago a friend and i brought up how she took her stuffed animal Birthday Bear everywhere, since we were gone for 3 days she decided it was an accomplishment that she hadn't taken this bear with her. Somehow the topic of cerial killers came up and we decided that this bear could be one of them because of his glass beady eyes. Since we were on tons of sugar and it was late we made up a profile for birthday bear.

Birthday Bear is a cerial killer with beady glass eyes, he wears a scarf with cheese prints on it and does karate in his free time making noises like "pheaooo" "kachooww"
He drives around an ice cream truck, instead of the regular music, the truck plays a song called "everything is better with cheese and a machette" Once little kids are tricked by the so called "ice cream truck" and come up to the window, birthday bear grabs them and pulls them through the window and slices them with a machette.

Never ever ever put Jenni and Shannon in the same bed after Jenni has had Dr. Pepper. Ever.

In case you are wondering why there is so much cheese involved in this its because everyhting is better with cheese. <3

To a sick ol' friend.

I wish i didn't have to see you like that. Its one thing to have a friend get wheeled into the ER, but when you feel like you have no one else to lean on its one of the hardest and most terrifying experiences i've had. As i frantically ran around packing your stuff thousands of images rushed through my head. The day i first met you, just after you got out of the hospital. The times i dragged you out to the field at school, all the times you let me break down and cry on your shoulder and the reassurance that everything was going to work out. I wished that i could say the same to you. I know i couldn't promise it though so i continued to say "i know" over and over again.



I remembered the times we went to the peir to feed the ducks throwing bread over the side of the peir and watching them fight. We always had to go back and get more bread. The time where you only had to use one leg to pin me to the ground and i had a bump on my head for weeks. Overall, how you had made me a stronger person. Now you were the weak one. The one saying you might as well just die. It made me angry but i guess when you are in that much pain you ha ve a reason to say what you say even though some times you dont mean it. I didn't cry a tear, i felt bad. I thought i should be sympathetic and i was, i think i looked worried but there were no tears. For the first time in my life i think i was calm and somehow i held myself together against my odds. I'm worried. I dont have someone i can talk to and it feels like you are a thousand miles away and i dont have a way of getting there. Thought i would let you know, you're grandparents are awesome, and dispite waiting in that small white room trying not to drift into sleep i was happy that you were getting better care than i could give you. Theres only so much a wet cloth on your forehead and tylonol can do. I know right now you are probably sleeping in a smelly white room with tubes in your arms and i know you hate it. But thry told me you would me home soon and who knows? Maybe i'll bring you some of that chocolate you really like...and maybe do your dishes. Remember how you said you needed to find a reason to live? I think that you help others, even when you are in pain you don't show it. Thats strength and its admirable.
Anyway. I hope you get better soon so you can kick my ass in brawl or punch me in the arm. Maybe even tell a sarcastic joke or two. One of the Hellen Keller ones.
I know that you never go on this site anymore, but just in case i thought i might give you some words. Get better fast, because its no fun being stuck in beds with IV's taped to your arms.

Mr Fluffykins.

I was talking to Addie, extremely bored and all and decided to dedicate a post to her and my entire math class. But mostly to Addie because of Mr Fluffykins.
Basically i found a bunch of pictures of "Fluffykins" most of them were cats. It makes me sad, i always thought of rabbits.
















I hope this made Addie very happy lol

Visitors

It has been an interesting and hectic week. For once i am not working and for that i am TRULY grateful. I used to work about twice a week, my parents decided to change that because schooling is going to call for more than two days a week. Which i understand. However its an annoyance that every time your parents want to talk to you its about work and your shifts. And even more when they dont even ask how you are hanging in there. This is how my mum and i got in one of the biggest fights i have seen between us in a long time. I wont go into much detail but with how she kept bugging me with work and how basically i am living with no one around me and no money to buy food i got very angry. Upset about the lack of attention i was recieving and a grandma who was increasingly getting more annoying each day i decided to take up the offer to room with Chris. Mum decided to pay me 150 dollars a month to pull my weight (food, laundry etc) It's been such a sudden change that even after a week and a half i barely know what i am doing. However i am a lot more relaxed as long as i get my space which works out quite nicely.

I've been quite excited the last few days because Geprge is finally visiting, Apparantly becaues i had nothing of importance to to this morning i was vulunteered to go pick him up this afternoon which i really dont mind, i'm quite excited. Anyway i am off to pick him up.