I've posted like 100 times today, well like 4. But I hate empy pages and writing looks nice and homey. So i uploaded some of my work so that i may entertain.
(keep in mind that this stuff is from the beginning of the year, so its not awesome, but its half decent) ENJOY! ^^

______A Simple Second_______

the only sound is a rythmatic echo

my beating heart bouncing off the walls around me.

My back aches from the worries of a heavy head

the uncomfortable humming through my ears is one of the only exceptions keeping me from peace

if only i one second to think.

the last thing i need is a treasure hunt, i dont even have the x, not even the footsteps

thoughts that shouldn't matter barrel down tracks in an empty mind

consumed by rushing hours and days

if only i had one second to clear that cluttered mess

and i wish you were here so that i could explain.

The only problem is that i can't, so you tell me it matters none

and that you're here, and thats all you can do

you've strung your guitar with broken out of tune wires that sing like nails

but for some reason you have kept them because they have incomprehensive meaning

when you're not here i am alone in a frightening empty world

i can't find the meaning of even a simple rain drop.

Time speeds by and i only wish that i could stop the grinding metal gears of time

because i want more than anything to adjust to the changes in every moment

to live in one soft tick of time and spend every millisecond of it with you.

_______Midnight Street.________

The streets are black as the sky

the pungent smell of blossoms suffocate my nostrils

my feet scuff across cracked pavement

i look from side to side just in case

and i hear the screech of tires

my heart rate quickens

breathing comes in short raspy breaths

the taste of cold on my hard teeth

two more blocks

i start to run, i glance to the back of me

the streets are deserted, neighbors windows flicker

my imagination makes figures out of flat shadows

the trees reach for my eyes and waist, pricking me with sharp leaves

i fumble for my icy keys and stumble up concrete stairs

shoving the key in the lock and pressing my weight to the cold door

i take one more quick look out the door to the streets

its calm and quiet. Harmless.

My breathing still echoes through the empty hallway.

___Short Story #1___

Amilie traced fingers with pale-blue nails over the deep crevices and valleys of the ancient couch. She decided a that moment that she would give herself two minuites before she would have to slowly start ambling towards the blue pontiac idling in the driveway . It hadn't yet hit her that she would be leaving the small town of Princeton with its residence of just under 2700 people, many of which she had grown up with and knew very well, 2700 faces left in the dusty corners of memories. One minuite. Amilie rose from the couch taking in an empty desolate room, whitewashed walls, and nails where pictures and their frames used to hang. A lonely room.

Amilie didin't take a second glance around the empty house as she slid out the unpainted basement door for the last time, not even as the pontiac pulled away from the empty lifeless building. It was too painful. The thought lingered through the car humiliating Amilie in silence: Eviction.

This is what happens in my head.

my thought...:I'm slow dancing with my head, pictures are running though it. Faces.
its...comfort, love
insecurity
this is stupid
where is your comfort, the love, the freedom you used to have...where did it go. Where is your life and what are you living for and why?
Will i ever grow old
we wait so long...is it worth it
we just die
we grow old. Wiser, but wheres the logic?
Dont you dare forget me. I'm no different then everyone else.
I've been hurt
We are never alone. Ever. How?
What if we want solitude, where do we go
we cant escape whats in our heads, we cant escape our...destiny
I just want to believe in us...is that so...hard? Why does it make me pick apart my entire being?
Why is it what i think about. Why can't i just do it.
Is there something i missed? Can i go back to my save state?
Its so c-c-c-c-contriversal. Everything
its not so hard
just do it
its not that easy
I just want that.
I just want it. Why? i dont know
find it out. Tell me if you ever do.
The nights hard to get through when your working at forgetting. Forgetting your past.
Just put one foot in fromt of the other, but just remember...
Eventually your going to kick yourself
Sleep. Tomorrows a new day.

who is it?

Who is that girl, the girl in transit gloria? Thats my only question.

I know how it ends so kill me quick

I've been wondering what the end of the world will actually look like. The only reference or clues that we have had are from the bible, but is there REALLY going to be a red sun? Maybe it is just another pariable, a story instead of a prophecy, or just one that is supposed to mean something else becuase i dont know the word for that. I wonder a lot about where we go when we die, why heaven is just not there...until we go there. Could it be somewhere up in the universe and we will just never have the technology to ever see it, or does it just...happen to appear? Another thing, forever is a long time. When people say "we will live in heaven forever"...it makes my brain hurt, becuase i actually THINK about forever. When i was little my mom used to always say that forever is just a circle, it doesnt have an end, but i like to think everyting has an end. So when i try to think about concepts such as this my head almost goes into overdrive and shuts itself off. Its such a weird feeling, a scary one.
Sitting at home makes me think, hard. And its almost foreign to me.
I often wonder what i could do for long periods of time that i would actually be confortable and content doing for long periods of time. Its a challenge because i cant stay doing one thing for long periods of time without getting bored quickly, which explains why i've quit every job i've had. People watching would be something i could do forever because everyones different.
I'm too tired these days. Its not even sleep deprivation. I sleep for longer then i should. Its like i have a battery but the battery is on the verge of dead and i have to replace it. But i dont have a battery...so it might be interesting to see what happens when i get to weak to put up with anything.
This is a lesson in procrastination...
Does procrastination have benifits without strings attached for later and how can it last? How long can you procrastinate something before it turns into something else? And if it turns into something else what IS that something else. Laziness? or is procrastination considered lazy.
Am i ever going to get anything right? I'm curious....
What is my purpouse here exactly and how long do i have to wait it out here to find that out.
Are rules put in place just to break them? or do we break things to produce laws that force us into tighter rule?
Why do car rides make you think about things you never thought of before? Is it the light that flashes by in the dark or the scenery that whips past your eyes.
This is what goes through my head, this is what i'm scared of, and this is what i wonder. Paper doesn't seem to work for some reason i am shy to point pencil to paper but i am at home on a keyboard and public site? I confuse myself. I think there are some people out there that know me better then i know myself. I wish i could meet more of them and they could stay around me to explain whats goin on in my head. But i guess its a curious battle between mind and body.
Die young and save yourself. Its almost where my head is but i dont want to believe that.

Screaming infedeleties

So this is my first post in a year and a half and i'm thinking this will probably be more conveniant then writing in a journal. So lately i've been thinking about whats going to happen to me when i get older. This is really scetchy for me because for some reason whenever i think of the future i flinch and try to push it out of my head, i dont really know why that is but i do. I also found out that i have a few conciouses (or voices but that makes me sound crazy) that talk to me somewhere behind that thick skull of mine. I didn't notice them until i went up isleand to parksville where i felt forced to spend my weekend. Thats when i noticed there was someone other than what i am talking to me. It started when i was getting a massage weirdly enough because thats when your supposed to be most relaxed. But it was almost an entertaining uplifting voice, so i am assuming that is the positive side of me. There are two more of these that i know of. One is the one that inputs on my decisions, mostly on the con's side of things and the one that speaks the most. The last one is the paranoia, the one that only shows up when my head is spinning out of control. i've only experienced this voice once, its like its screaming. Not very happy. I do wonder where they run off to when i am content. However, being happy without something being on my mind is a rare occurance. However the happy voice is with me now, i'm sure the others are sleeping because it is fairly late at night. Anyway, i think i need to come up with a name for the happy voice because at the moment it seems it is the most prominent.
Anyway. Its late and my ears are ringing. Maybe next time i post i will post my poetry from my more negative side. Its good poetry, or so i think anyway.