Housesitting, Day...two i guess?

I got back later in the afternoon after attending to a very sick friend (get better)I officially brought all supplies needed to stay about 3 weeks. Laura thought it was funny that i brought a suitcase and two smaller bags along. We watched some tv series, i cant remember what it was called, but it was mid evil and cool. Since it was hot out Laura decided to get her swimsuit on and go outside and play with the hose, Rachel and i went with her of course without knowing the conciquences of Laura with a hose XD Sooo we got soaked, and Addie dumped glasses of water on our heads from the upstairs window...soo unexpected. She also locked us out so we rang the doorbell many a time, the tennants were talking about it, i sont think they like us much.



We tried to watch some of My Fair Lady and failed at staying awake.
Addie and i made smileyface fries listening to bach. The tennants officially think we are crazy.
Laura and i attempted to clean a hampster's cage. Not fun. It stunk because it wasn't cleansed well before *cough* Stephan.
Not much else happened today. Addie and I bought 5 hour energy capsules though, need i say more?

There is a present on my bed...i wonder what it is?

So in the past 24 hours i have decided to attempt to live in a house with two other friends. Addie, and Laura. Now i dont know how this is going to work out but its very very good practice. So, my FIRST day there was entertaining. The night was like a normal girls night out. Except dinner was thuroghly entertaining. Addie and i listened to sinister symphony music while making mac and cheese, i'm pretty sure the tennants hate us. We fell asleep later than considered early. I was very frustrated that i could not sleep, so was Laura apparantly. She almost threw me off the bed and threw pillows in my face. I dont blame her, i was mad at myself. We woke up early and attempted to soak Stephans Rabbit's butt in salt water. We had some fun salt adventures as we did not think to use a container of salt to fill a bowl as upposed to a shaker....We chased rabbits for a bit. Their claws hurt. We did our usual shinannigans in the afternoon and then proceeded to go to the butchers to get steak. Unfortunately they were out of irn bru...a dissapointment, but the skeak...omg the steak. We made steak for dinner, well, Addie did. Laura and I made salad. We lost some potatos in the depths of the oven but we saved them fortunately. I think we had a healthier dinner than i usually do. The steak was the best i've ever had and the steak was more than decent.
We became a bit more civilized the more we realized that working together got things done a lot faster. So the first 24 hours went well. I'm back at my grandmas but i will be back house sitting in the next few days. Yay for life skills :P

Belated Fathers Day...

This is in response to Laura's post.
I did a wee bit of surfing and found some really neat stuff on what makes a father a father. Its not intercourse and then oh suprise unexpected baby! You're a father!
I think at that point...you're a "dad" I think you need to earn the title father.
This is what i think/found...A real dad is someone who truly loves you. Now that word love encompasses unconditional love. That means they are always there to help. They hurt when you hurt. That they are human but will admit their mistakes when wrong. That while they will always be protective, they will let you grow while making sure you do not stray to far off course. They do not judge but try to help yet, they will try to provide what is important to you while teaching you responsibility and values.


I think this is the better definition of father. Now, MY Dad didn't always show these values but i know they are there. He never really told me he was proud of me other than once or twice, but those were important moments for me. I thinnk a few times he said that he was wrong, but those are also hard things to do. I had to always work for what i wanted. My family wouldn't just get me a bike because i wanted it, i had to deserve it even if it was a christmas present. But i think thats why recieving that gift on Christmas was so special. It was more that i had accomplished something or got past a major barrier in my life.
I remember i didn't get an allowance like alll te other kids so i started work as soon as i was old enough, which was 13. I remember thinking it was crazy and unfair but now when i look back on all of this it helped me in the long run and as i become even more independant i wont have to be weaned off my parents. I think that however crazyness i sound that i make a little sense. My parents always thought (especially my dad) that the more strict you are with your child the more successful they will be later in life. He grew up with the same disipline from his father, and i'm sure my papa also got it from his father also.
I've never taken fondly of my father until now, i always thought he was harsh and that i would never have the whole "daddy's girl" whatever that is. I always thought that my dad didn't know HOW to be a father. Maybe its time i changed that.
Of course, like every dad he had his obscure moments, maybe more than other dads but that made me stronger no matter to the circumstances. In the long ru i'm glad that my father is my father, and i wish him a late Happy Fathers Day <3

^^

No more highschool ever again. I'm extatic!!

Inspiration

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
-- Erica Jong



The Invitation
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer


It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
And if you dare to dream of meeting
Your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
For love, for your dream,
For the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,
If you have been opened by life's betrayals,
Or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain,
Mine or your own,
Without moving
To hide it or fade it or fix it.



I want to know if you can be with joy,
Mine or your own,
If you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
Without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic,
or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can be faithless and therefore be trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty
Even when it is not pretty every day,
And if you can source your life
From its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure,
Yours and mine,
And still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
Weary and bruised to the bone,
And do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
In the center of the fire with me
And not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
From the inside
When all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
With yourself,
And if you truly like the company you keep
In the empty moments.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover
- Mark Twain



Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is
our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most...We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Did I Tell You That I Like That Black Fedora?

Up until this point I've never had a week in my life that has been so pleasant and its total opposite all at once. Its like i'm multitasking my emotions all the time, its fascinating how it works, in all, i'm very confused and everywhere at once.
I've had some very srange moments this week that i think contribute to this factor.
I was sitting at the bus stop hoping i wouldnt have to wait long. I would have walked a few extra blocks but when i get sick i get weak and breathless. So there i was sitting. For some reason my ipod wasn't on me which is a weird occurance for me, so i heard everything that was going on around me and i was quite bored. The man sitting on the bench adjacent to me was talking on his phone. He had a knee brace and quite an intense one at that. He was making phone calls concerning some woman i would assume to be his wife. So i listened because i was bored and the bus wasn't coming for another 10 minuites. He eventually got off the phone, one of the community busses came by and he started joking with the driver, a nice guy. He started talking to me. About his kids, his wife, his pets....his life, and it amazed me by how much i could relat to someone i didn't know. He told me about his life and about surgeries he had had, about the leg brace, how he was going into surgery in a week and about how he had had surgeries from head to toe throughout his life. I'm pretty sure that was the pinnical of my week just because i'm so used to the normalness of everything that i forget to look for the abnormalties, things that make us unique and the people that make the world an interesting place to be.
The not as great part of my week came pretty much right after the BEST part of the week. I was heading back from the market, i was smiles and rainbows and exploding with sunshine and happies. Now for this next part you have to understand. My mother has gotten a little bit childish ever since she divorced dad because she never really DATED anyone else. She broke up with this guy (which we will call barasawa)
So, i was walking back from the market, listening to music, kinda skipping but not really and sniffing my nose (because something made me sick) and i see my mother and barasawa at the bus stop too close for comfort. Ther mother that promised not to answer his calls, to listen to his voicemails. Now of course i didnt say anyhitng to their faces. I said hi and went on my way in a rage and texted her later on asking why what who how etc. I feel really bad talking about this, but that was the bad part of my week.
Pretty much every activity i have done this week i have been questioning and analizing and asking why. My head wont stop working. I dont think its a bad thing but it makes me very uncomfortable that i cannot stop it from happening. But my week was great. I enjoyed the market. I was in a cynical mood but i enjoyed it. I made some bad comments i wish i could take back but i didn't do any damage that i know of.
Anyway. For some reason i have uncontainable ammounts of energy, and chocolate, i must go on a quest to turn this energy into sleep power because it is very very late.
Goodnight.

Wait, wait, there's a world out there...

1. I'm a very calm person, it takes a lot to get me mad, but my family and i both know that i get very pissed, and its not the AWWW look at Shannon, she's so angry...its OH...SHIT,shes mad.



2.I'm abbidextrus (i think i spelled that wrong) do a degree



3. I love all my friends, i have a lot of them, but there are only a few i let come close to me because of how many have broken my trust.



4. I love hugs, but i think its weird when someone you barely know hugs you. It makes me extremly uncomfortable.



5. I hide anger and uncomfortableness,and fear very very well. I CANNOT hide shyness, sadness and lonlyness if my life dependsd on it.



6. I'm only good at making friends if the other person is outgoing.



7. I laugh way too much when i am nervous.



8. I love to read write and draw, but these are usually overrun by the computer...hmmm.



9. I cannot be on the bus, go for a walk, or on my computer without a type of music.



10. I'm trying to learn Barenaked Ladies - One week from beginning to end.

11. If i'm embarassed, scared, or lying i rarely look people in the eye.

12. I love to make creative gifts for people, and i love to recieve them.

I stopped putting pictires in becuase it's a waste of my time XD

Oh the excitement!

I sit here on my computer sniffling away through a stuffy nose AGAIN yup, thats right, Shannon got sick. I realize when i am miserable, upset, or worried i talk in third person, it annoys me, because now people know when i am upset; but then its almost funny because i do it subconciously.
This week has been FULL of adventures and lazy days. Grad was one of the bigger events, its funny how at the beginning of your grade 12 year you are so excited and feel so old and cool...and then at the end of the year all you want to do is go aaaggghhhhh!!! But it really did pay off, through all the stress it was a good time and i was sad for grad to be over. I think the favorite part of the night for me was a weird little thing, me and one of my best friends playing catch with the top of a sunscreen lid. Its the little things in life that stick with me and i'm still trying to figure out why being idiots was so interesting for me. The most terrifying part of the entire day was walking in front of a room full of over a thousand people, plus your peers. In high heels. I decided to go barefoot.



A lot of stuff has happened this week, but i've also been boread at the same time, its very weird. A few nights back i was home for maybe 4 or 5 hours by myself and i went crazy, that cant be very healthy.
I've also had a fair share of mental breakdowns but those have passed. Usually i dont get those though.
I think the favorite part of the week for me was friday, even though it started out like crap the ending was of a fairy tale. Okay, just contentment. I stopped my the church, which i freaked out about for most of my day. It was actually refreshing in the least. A bunch of us walked to the park around midnight and stargazed which i havn't done in the longest time, i wanted to spend the whole night there. I think it would be the perfect spot for a date.



Tomorrow is the last day of school. I dont know whether to be excited, anxious, emotional, or just how i'm supposed to be. Yearbooks get handed out and its really the only reason i am going. But even that isn't going to be extrordnarily important. I've kinda seen half the pages going in there. I wonder if it is possible to be school sick, because as much as i hated it, its where i met people and where i had plenty of fun...homework aside of couse



Thats a big picture...anyway, thats whats been going on. I'm going to try and fight this cold
xoxo

Happy cat has temporarily run out of happy.

I guess there is a limit on how long a person can be happy for, because mine came to a stop today, which is a bummer. More than that. More than anything i would like to repetitively hit my head against the table or wall. But that would cause noise and the distress of my already psycho worried family.
I woke up this morning KNOWING that things would not go as planned, thats one of the scariest feelings in the world. The whole weekend has been a bit scetched out for me. I've been really quiet and shy for reasons i wish i knew, it came to realization when i was sitting in a friends hot tub last night. My concious suddenly asked myself "why the hell aren't you talking?" It was almost as if i was scared, grade 9 all over again.



Anyway, my alarm didn't go off in the morning, even thought i checked twoce just to make sure that it would get me up. Nope. I woke up to my mom bouncing on the end of my bed hitting me with a pillow which REALLY isn't as ammusing as it sounds. She asked me about the writing on my arms telling me jokatively that i would get ink poisoning. I thought she was serious so i freaked out about 15 seconds into my day. A lovely start.
So she decided to be nice to me and drive me to school. Okay, that isn't so bad, i appreciate a ride to school every now and then. She decided to update me on what was going on in the family since i am apparantly never around to experience the "family love" which we both know is a big joke. Apparantly in the last day or so my mother decided to tell my brother about her newest love interest. (the guy she likes asked for her phone number a week ago, i'm a bit thrilled. He has a yellow car.)
My brother proceeded to tell my Dad's parents, since my brother is terrible at keeping secrets. And since my Dad's parents are absolutely crazy they squeezed every bit of information out of my brother as humanly possiblr. So my Nana proceeded to call my poor grandmother as soon as she had heard the story she had forced my brother to tell and cried to my grandmother about how my mother was putting us all in danger and how becuase of this i was not happy. Which ias untrue. I have unhappy moments but i am quite fine. I just really dont like dinner conversations with my dad's parents about people getting there arms stuck in meat grinders and how to properly kill a mink. So i'm apparanly going over mthere for dinner tonight, probably getting questioned about my sanity and my relationship status. Hurray. *rolls eyes*
So i managed to get through my block two and halfway through block three. At this point i was working on a group project listening to music and trying VERY hard not to spazz at the person next to me. I managed to finish three biographys, a copyright page, and writing pages, so about 6 pages in total of work. One of my friends is freaking out about this project and askes me right when the bell goes when i'm about to leave for home trying not to act psycho crazy if i can finish her page. I flipped again. Yay. Bad idea. Dont ever do that. I ended up with the person that was driving me insane trying to get them to do their work watching as by bus pulled out from the bus stop not even 20 meters from where i was. Half an hour later i told him to leave me be and i would get his work done. And i did. And left the school wanting to rant my whole day out on paper which is basically what i've done. Its almost like therapy for me, i feel so much better. Anyway, that was my day.
Peace <3

Its been one week since you looked at me, Threw your arms in the air and said you're crazy.

Mom and i are watching X-files. I instantly thought of The Bare Naked Ladies song One Week, the line "watchin' X-files with no lights on" ect. I found it ammusing. I remember watching the series when i was 7 or 8, and then again when i was around 15 or 16. I thought it was a good show. So i recently got it for my mom's birthday. Now i watch it and all i can think now is that it would look a lot better if the detectives and fbi turned lights on in the room. I would find it hard to solve a case on extraterestrials if the room was pitch black with only the lightest hue to light the face...

I've become skecthing out for grad. Not because i don't know what to expect, not because of the costs, but because of questions. They've been thrown at me from every side. I find it a bit ammusing i guess. I'm trying to keep up with getting tickets, signing forms, getting OTHER people to sign forms...apparantly deciding what i want for a grad gift...I dont even know about a grad present, all i really want is something to get me through school. So maybe some cash? Apparantly thats not acceptible for some reason. Oh well.


This weekend has been pretty exciting. Some friends from parksville (UP ISLAND) came down to visit. So a lot of this weekend has consisted of videogames and icecream, and nerdy jokes. Not always hillarious but mildly funny...i guess. XD
Work was a bit too slow today. For the last week i've been bothered by the fact that individuals still order coffee at Tim Horton's when it is about 30 degrees outside. I dont know, i really prefer a cold drink, and a sprinkler and ice cubes... Summer is my favorite time of year. Its weird times like these when global warming is evident when i just want it to rain though.

Anyway. Thats all i really have to write at the moment. I've been feeling a lot better this last week, i just have to catch up on so much school work. I'm happy grad is coming so soon even though it seems to be more of a hassle than it should be.
I think i will update soon. Peace <3

Xx we are weak, trapped in wide open spaces xX

This past week has been the most life changing and painful of my life. I've had to make more altering changes and deal with more emotions then i think i ever will. I let go of the person that i thought i would be with forever. I had to accept that feelings change and that if the feelings i had for my boyfriend were gone then it wasn't fair for the both of us to live a lie, aka me being with him because i wanted him to be happy and him thinking that i felt the same way. So i've cried more then i have ever in my life, i've never felt so bad for someone. But i know that the decision i made was one that was best for me. I wanted space, i wanted to be happy, i want HIM to be happy and not have me lie about how i feel.
Out of all honesty, through all the tears and worry i feel better. I feel like i've started writing on a new page, stepped out of my comfort zone. I think thats what i've needed.
My mom called me today asking how i was feeling. This was the night after everything had happened. I said i was trying to hang on and she immediately started talking about how dissapointed she was that i would miss school becuase of this. I found it very offensive.
I'm also sorry if i've been acting strange. I feel like i've been lashing out at a lot of people, it doesnt help when they have no clue what im freaking out about.
I'm getting through this slowly by the advice of a good friend. Take it one breath at a time.